Thursday, July 14, 2011

I was 11 in this photo. Wanna date?

Seriously.  That's me on the left.  You KNOW I don't look like this now, girls, but do you want to meet me for a coffee date on the basis of this photo?  (My little brother was 5.)  Or when you see a washed out, clearly scanned (or date-stamped 2004!) pic being used in a guy's profile does it immediately raise the "He clearly no longer resembles that figure/head-of-hair/unlined face" red-flag?

In online dating profiles I have a new 'infallible proof' that a woman is post-35:  she has profile photos posted that are from back when she WAS 35 and few (if any) strategically-cropped recent pics.  The woman doesn't look like that any more, but confounding-ly her ego will NOT allow her to post honest, full-body pics of herself from this year.  Instead it is up to us lads to show up at the bar/cafe and, with intense disappointment and frustration, think: "Well, no offence intended, but if you'd just posted some recent pics, I could have been home right now watching the game."

In a recent 'incident' I only went online and did a pre-date 'refresher' moments before running out to the cafe.  Noticing some little orange digits in the bottom right-hand corners I zoomed in on the photos to find out that they were date-stamped SEVEN years ago.  (I could have bailed, but I foolishly went with the old "benefit of the doubt".  NOT!  That was no longer the body shape that was in the photos.)

It's not that we mind a pleasant conversation for an hour with you, ladies, but I know from many chats with your single sisters that many men have no photo up at all, or do the same thing -- posting ancient pics and hoping that their current scintillating personalities will sweep you off your feet once you agree to meet them in person.  I also know, however, that the ratio of women to men doing this is about 9:1!  I get it, the female ego, formed during many years spent watching Disney's many fantasy princess tales over and over and over, is far more looks/age-focused than the 'accomplishment/achievement-focus' of male egos, but still...

Gotta say, I have to agree that, on average, I'd concur that, while there are some notable exceptions out there (see Jennifer Beals), I agree with all the age-bracket cut-offs that this poll of Brits turned up:
A new poll claims that women become too old to wear two-pieces when they turn 47, the Daily Mail reports. Commissioned by Diet Chef, the survey of 2,000 women said that 47 was the age at which they would feel inappropriate in a bikini the survey nixed wearing the tiny skirts past the age of 35.

According to the poll, women should stop wearing tube tops at age 33, leather pants at 34, belly-button piercings at 35, sheer chiffon blouses at 40, sneakers and tight tanks at 44, leggings and UGGs at 45, knee-high boots at 47, stilettos at 51, and swimsuits at 61. At which point, seemingly, they should be put out to pasture ...

On the beauty front, ponytails are frowned upon for women 51 and older, while 53 is the age at which long hair is no longer acceptable.

But before you draft that angry letter, note that one in two respondents claimed that women who are slim, healthy, and attractive in their 50s and 60s can "get away with anything."
Ladies, you might get fewer coffee dates, but the outcome of those dates is only going to increase in quality if you post current, FULL-BODY pics of yourself.  (And no, my little brother is not 'available'!)


Now I'd really like to see a poll of the women who cannot resist putting up photos that are more than two years old (and have NO current full-body shots), how many would agree with these statements:
  1. "I would not date a man who lies about his age to get a date with me because it proves that he is fundamentally dishonest and we can't start a relationship if, from our initial contact point, he has demonstrated that he's hiding something..." 
  2. "Even though we're both post-35 and emotionally mature and understanding, if I find out that a man I'm dating has asked out a younger woman, our relationship is OVER!  (However, in my dating profile it's OK for me to say I interested in dating boys as much as 10-15 years younger while at the same time giving men my age or older a hard time for NOT wanting to date women my age.)" 
  3. "Even though I agree that it takes me up to 9-12 months to decide if a man is a good enough 'fit' with me for a long-term relationship (and I reserve the right to dump him without warning at any time during that pre-full-commitment-period should a more appealing candidate come along, or should he do something intangible that puts me off), I have a problem with any guy I'm dating having an 'active' profile on online dating sites."
Ah, irony and double-standards, they're the spice of life, no?  The results are in!
  1. The women who say this often do not have even ONE truly honest recent full-body photo posted!
  2. I get this attack about once a week, on average, from women who's lower age limit is significantly younger than their own age. 
  3. Just about EVERY woman will admit to feeling this way while agreeing that, as mature adults, we really need to keep our options open rather than do what we did in our 20's and early 30's and leap into the deep end with every new prospect.

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