Image courtesy of www.islandcrisis.net
What it leads to is their constant and consistent rejection ("click-delete") of decent men, who actually could be ideal mates, because they reject them based upon some very small thumbnail shots that rarely give a decent impression of what the guy looks like in person, across a room. Had they met the same men in person, they'd have agreed to date more than one of them.
Some excerpts from the study article:
Researchers found increased activity in the pathway near the base of the brain associated with profound cocaine addiction, as well as in a region associated with nicotine addiction.
"Romantic love is an addiction. It's a very wonderful addiction when things are going well but a perfectly horrible addiction when things are going poorly," said Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist at Rutgers University and one of the study authors.
"When rejected, you're still madly in love with this person. You're really craving them," she said. "You're obsessively thinking about them. You're in physical and emotional pain. You're feeling deeply attached to the person, and you're also really desperately trying to figure out what happened here."
"In a sense, it's sort of like somehow I preconditioned my mind to say, no matter how bad the relationship was, I was in love," said Brake, 38, an editor and publisher with his company, Mel Brake Press Inc. "I needed this person."
If love is an addiction, getting over a lost love should be akin to quitting smoking, Fisher said. Don't write, don't call, don't show up, throw out letters, and don't try to be friends with that person for a while. Don't ruminate; instead, try new things. Novelty drives up dopamine in the brain, which can help you feel better.But most significantly, even after getting over the 'One True Love', or even having merely come close to this feeling through teenage crushes, we crave it to the exclusion of really great, loving, caring partners. We seek that mind-altering high with bad boys/girls and reject the people with great potential to be really ideal life-partners (rather than hot short-term sex partners), even while stating that a long-term life partners is what we really want (see my post on the Superman/Clark Kent conundrum here). I see this constantly in women's profile descriptions:
- "I'll know him the moment I see him"
- "I can't settle for anything less than my One True Love"
- "Sorry if I 'click-delete' guys, but I if I don't see the potential for my Knight in Shining Armour in your profile pics...."
- "It will all come down to the chemistry during the first minutes of our coffee date"
- "He will have to be over X inches tall, this weight, this hair colour, must be like X"
- Etc., etc.
If, just for a moment, you can live with that thought, that the love you are looking for is not only not likely (nearly impossible), but that it is deeply unhealthy insofar as it is distracting you from healthier 'substances' and opportunities (the guy in front of you is not coming across like your fantasy tape dictates he should), then maybe, just maybe, you should be trying to fight the impulses and opening up to guys who don't immediately 'light up' all your brain's addiction centers. Just a thought.
Here's a snippet from another post of mine:
What nets out is that your average man does not really believe that there is ACTUALLY a single individual woman out there that he will magically and mysteriously match with at some metaphysical level -- he's satisfied when he comes across a lady who is 'good enough'. Women, on the other hand, really DO believe, in their heart of hearts, that this fantasy is true. (And the nature of online dating, with its endless supply of new profiles of, apparently, available men, encourages girls to believe it can deliver the fantasy!) (Click here for the post: "The Male vs. Female Brain".)